joke

[Vern B]

Bea was in her eighties, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. Her pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut crystal bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.

Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something! But he certainly couldn't mention the strange sight in her parlor. When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.

"Miss Bea," he said, pointing to the bowl, "I wonder if you would tell me about this."

"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it moist, and it would prevent disease. And you know...I haven't had a cold all winter!"

[earntaz]

Depends on Where You Live

You may have heard about the Southern California man who was put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.
By Southern California standards, someone owning that many guns and 100,000 rounds is considered "mentally unstable".

In Michigan, he'd be called "The last white guy still living in Detroit."

In Minnesota & Wisconsin, he'd be called "ALMOST ready for deer season".

In Arizona, he'd be called "An avid gun collector."

In Arkansas, he'd be called "A novice gun collector."

In Utah, he'd be called "Moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.

In Kansas, he'd be "A guy down the road you would want to have for a friend."

In Montana, he'd be called "The neighborhood 'go-to' guy."

In Alabama, he'd be called "A likely gubernatorial candidate."

In Georgia, he'd be called "An eligible bachelor."

In North Carolina, Virginia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee, Kentucky and South

Carolina he would be called "A deer hunting buddy."

In Oklahoma he'd be called "normal."

And in Texas he'd just be "Bubba, who's a little short on ammo"...