joke

[earntaz]

NEWS FROM MINNESOTA
The toilet seat was invented in Minnesota … but twenty years later a North Dakotan invented the hole in it.
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OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS
When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, 'I'm not going down dere yust for 50 cents.'

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VE COULDN'T AFFORD MORE
Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned with only one fish. 'The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400,' said the first Norwegian.
'Vell,' said the other one, 'At dat price it's a good ting ve didn't catch any more.'

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THE RELATIONS
Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89. One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee.
' Lena , vat ever happened tew our sex relations?' he asked.
'Vell, Ole, I yust don't know,' replied Lena.
'I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas.'

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MUSIC SOLUTION
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it.
'Oh,' said Ole, 'I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet.'
'How come?' asked Lars.
'Vell,' Ole answered, 'because vith a clarinet, she can't sing.'

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THE PRANK CALL
The phone rings in the middle of the night when Ole and Lena are in bed and Ole answers. 'Vell how da hell should I know, dats two tousand miles from here' he says and hangs up.
'Who vas dat?' asks Lena.
'I donno, some fool vanting to know if da coast vas clear.’

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HONEYMOON TRIP
On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena 's knee. Giggling, Lena said, 'Ole, you can go farther dan dat if you vant to'.
So Ole drove to Dulute.

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DA PARTY
Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the streets of the little town of Montevideo, Minnesota. The policeman, who was a good friend of Ole's, said, 'Ole ... What in the world are you doing? Where are your clothes? You're naked.'
'Yah, I know,' said Ole. 'You see, I vas over to dat 'playboy' Swen's for his birthday party. Dere vas about ten of us. Dere vas boys and girls.'
'Is that right?' his policeman friend asked.
'Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Swen, he says, 'Everybody get into the bedroom!' 'So vee all go into the bedroom ... where den he yells, 'Everybody git naked!' 'Vell, vee all got undressed. Den he yells, 'Everybody go to town!'
I guess I'm the first one here!'

[budnate]

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".
"You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."
The man below responded, "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my f#@!^%$ fault!!!

[mssl72]

WOW!! I need to very delicately send that around the shop!