Married life...

[JonC30]

I just thought some of you married guys might get a kick outa this...

The trials and tribulations of the human male...

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I
have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual
desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the words
"I do."

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well,
the passion started to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to
hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for
who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to
sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to
spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went
shopping at a big, big department store. I walked around with her while
she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She
couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them
all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let's
get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry dept.
where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me
because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how
to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is
all dear, let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled, "WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for
awhile. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man
enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I
added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the
things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.