Joke

[Xplantdad]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: galveston</div><div class="ubbcode-body">My ex-wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas one year and my response was something that goes from 0 to 220 in 3 seconds or less......

I got a bathroom scale. [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/frown.gif[/img] </div></div>

Cue the rim shot! LOL [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/haha.gif[/img]

[m22mike]

So is that scale big enough [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/hmmm.gif[/img]

[m22mike]

*** Missing Wife ***

A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing...

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.


Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.



Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.



Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Never noticed.



Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.



Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.



Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.



Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: Blue Granite Metallic 2011 Chevy Silverado LT 4x4 crew-cab with the 5'8&quot; short box with black leather bench seat interior. It has the 403hp 6.2L V8, 6 speed automatic, and max towing package with 3.73 gears and factory brake controller. It has 17&quot; aluminum wheels with General Altimax tires, and a 2&quot; drop hitch with 2-5/16&quot; ball. I removed the 4x4 stickers off the box sides and the flex-fuel emblem off the tailgate.


At this point the husband started choking up.

Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck.

Yuk, Yuk, Yuk [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/grin.gif[/img]

[Lynn]

Sorry if this is a repost.

Elderly lady takes her husband to the doc.

After an exam, Doc takes the lady into the next room:
&quot;Your husband is in bad shape.
He needs you to be attentive and loving.
Believe it or not, he needs regular sex.
He needs a hot breakfast every morning.
Most importantly, you cannot nag him or cause him any stress whatsoever.&quot;

Man and wife are leaving the Doc's office, and he asks, &quot;What did the Doctor say?&quot;













Her answer: &quot;You're gonna die.&quot;

[Xplantdad]

LOL Mike and Lynn!

[JChlupsa]

OK so back to the org joke what year Goat was it :P

[Material_Boy]

Blonde and a brunette were in the elevator of the office building they work in. Elevator stops and this guy enters the elevator wearing a navy blue suit with dandruff flakes all over the shoulders of his suit. Just disgusting. Elevator stops and the guy gets off. As the door closed the brunette looks at the blonde and says &quot;wow that guy needs some Head and Shoulders&quot; Blond thinks for minuet and says &quot;yeah...but how do you give shoulders?&quot;

[Canuck]

A woman goes into the Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's
birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes
over to the counter.

A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says,
&quot;Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?&quot;

He says, &quot;Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,
I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.&quot;

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, &quot;That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel
and 10-LB. test line.

It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only
$20.00.&quot;

She says, &quot;It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it
dropping on the counter. I'll take it!&quot; As she opens her purse, her credit
card drops on the floor.

Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,&quot; he says. She bends down to pick it up
and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then
realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted.
Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, &quot;That'll be $34.50 please.&quot;

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, &quot;Didn't you tell me the rod
and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?&quot;

He replies, &quot;Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is
$11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50.&quot;

[Xplantdad]

[img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/haha.gif[/img] [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/haha.gif[/img]