joke

[Keith Seymore]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: earntaz</div><div class="ubbcode-body">PEOPLE FROM THE SOUTH WILL UNDERSTAND THIS....

There was this fellow from Mississippi, driving down I-55 South who had a flat tire. He pulled off on the side of the road, jumped out of his car, walked down the hillside and picked a bunch of wildflowers, and proceeded to put one bouquet of the flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait....

A out of state traveler headed for New Orleans, studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he! turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, &quot;I have a flat tarr.&quot;

In response the passerby asked, &quot;But what's with the flowers?&quot;

The man responded, &quot;When you break down, they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it neither.&quot;
</div></div>

My dad would haved like that one. He was from SE Missouri. He put &quot;tars&quot; on the car but the roadway was paved with &quot;tire&quot;.

I remember when one of my kids asked me: &quot;Daddy...why does Papaw say 'thank ya'?&quot;

K

[earntaz]

When the Gov decided my pay check would be delivered in Texas, we had to learn the language. Examples are as -- &quot;Jury&quot; is not what you would find in a court of law but rather jewelry worn by a lady. &quot;Trays&quot; were not something you see at Lubys but rather those tall green things with brown centers. &quot;Tars&quot; -- well we already talked about that. And on and on and on ... TAZ

[bbbentley]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: earntaz</div><div class="ubbcode-body">When the Gov decided my pay check would be delivered in Texas, we had to learn the language. Examples are as -- &quot;Jury&quot; is not what you would find in a court of law but rather jewelry worn by a lady. &quot;Trays&quot; were not something you see at Lubys but rather those tall green things with brown centers. &quot;Tars&quot; -- well we already talked about that. And on and on and on ... TAZ </div></div>

Well, along this line of thought...

A young city slicker buys a farm on the edge of a small rural town. He decides he wants some animals and sets off walking to the town's General store. Upon arrival he decides to ask to buy a 'hen'. Store owner replies, &quot;yes we have those, but you city folk are going to have to learn the right farm name. &quot;It is a Pullet.&quot;&quot;, he says. Oh, replies the City boy. Well, I will also take a 'Rooster'. Well, fine, store owner says, &quot;but you need to know the correct farm name is a &quot;Cock-Bird.&quot;. Anything else says store owner? Yea, I need a Mule. Once again store owner corrects the city-boy. &quot;That is known as an A**&quot;, and if you are going to live on a farm you best be learning the right name.&quot;, owner quips. Owner tells the man that the A** can be contrary and stop in it's path, but assured the young man all he needed to do is scratch the A** behind the ear and it would proceed. The young man gathers the lead rope for the A** and each bird in each arm and starts down the walkway back to his farm. Just then, his A** stops in it's tracks. A fine looking young Lady is approaching and the city boys stops her and asks, &quot;Ma'am, would you hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my A**?&quot;

[Charley Lillard]

After a long day of fishing, I stopped in at Hooter's to see some friends and have a sandwich and a cold drink.


After being there for a while, one of my friends asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with.


I told them &quot;The one who knows how to fix elevators.&quot;


I'm old, tired, and pee a lot.

[earntaz]

Absolutely copy that !!! It is pure hell at my age when the eye teeth are floatin' ... TAZ

[Charley Lillard]

Not working?



So after a long day at work I come home to an empty house. I proceed to the kitchen where I find a note on the fridge from my girlfriend.

&quot;this isn't working, I'm sorry but I just can't take it, I'm going to go live with my mother&quot;

But then I opened the fridge the light came on and the beer was cold. What the hell was she talking about?

[earntaz]

I've finally found my place in life. I believe I like it!

I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50 years later.
I don’t have to go to school or work.
I get an allowance (pensions).
I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car.
I have ID that gets me into bars and the liquor store.
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.
And I don’t have acne.
Life is great.

[earntaz]

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!”

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies — two in the front seat and three in the back — wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower
than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly… Twenty-two miles an hour!”
the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time”, the officer asks.

“Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”

[Xplantdad]

LOL....Nice!

[earntaz]

A bit of humor for fellow military types -- TAZ

http://undertheradar.military.com/20...?ESRC=under.sm