joke

[67since67]

FINALLY!!! Someone put into words!! IT'S NOT OUR FAULT!!!

[Too Many Projects]

Originally Posted by 67since67

FINALLY!!! Someone put it into words!! IT'S NOT OUR FAULT!!!

EXACTLY !! We seem to have some genetic anomaly that requires us to have multiple vehicles around us, usually in need of rebuilding and requiring heeps of cash...

[Too Many Projects]

It's very similar to coming "of age" during the muscle car era. How can we NOT be addicted to that lifestyle ???

[earntaz]

A little old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out,

Crisco, Crissssssscoooo!'*

*Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, 'Mam, the Crisco is in aisle 3.'*

*The woman replies, 'Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my husband. He's in here somewhere'*

*The clerk is astonished.*

*'Your husband's name is Crisco?'*

*The woman answers, 'Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we’re out in public'*

*'I see,' said the clerk.*

*'What do you call him at home?'*

*'Lard ass.'*

*I love old people!*

[earntaz]

Thought you'd enjoy this! This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs experience. It has an indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud. This is a strictly a mathematical viewpoint... and it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give more than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%

What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there. It's the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

Now you know why Politicians are where they are!


I've never seen a better explanation than this formula...how true it is.

[earntaz]

I used to play poker regularly...

Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day, and both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven

The Angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”

The Angel asked Stormy if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Stormy took off her top and said: "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”

The Angel thanked Stormy, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.

The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.

The Angel immediately stated: "Okay, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.”

Stormy was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and got admitted to Heaven!

Could you explain that to me?”

"Sorry, Stormy," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are!"