The parrot

[Chevy454]

I stole this from a truck site...
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A woman went to a pet shop & immediately
spotted a large, beautiful parrot..

There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should
tell you first that this bird used to live in a house
of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty
vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided
she had to have the bird anyway.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up
in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and
said "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication,
but then thought "that's really not so bad."

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the
bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then
began to laugh about the situation considering how and
where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home
from work.

The bird looked at him and said,

"Hi, Keith!

[Keith Tedford]

Should I be taking offense to this? Damned parrots.

[Z28DZ]

How about:

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that the boy's bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed "To Dad". Curious, he opened the envelope and read the letter:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you both would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children in addition to the six she already has.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

With much love,
Your son Jon


P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you, Dad.
Call me when it's safe to come home.

Get outta Dodge!

[JQ]

[x Baldwin Motion]

An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was yellow and green and orange and purple. He had black makeup around his eyes. The old man just stared at him. The boy said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?" The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I once got drunk and slept with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."

[Eddie M.]

man and woman get married, in the honeymoon suite that nite the husband takes his pants off and hands them to his wife and tells her to try them on well she gets them on and turns to the husband and says these pants are way to big for me the husband smiles yeah he says and don't you forget it I wear the pants in this family so the wife takes her pants off and hands them to the husband and says here try these on well after about 5 mins the husband turns to the wife and says I can't get into them the wife smiles yeah and don't you ever forget it

[Mr70]

A little boy walks by his single mothers bedroom one night,and sees her on the bed pleasuring herself screaming.."I need a man!..I need a man!"
A few nights later after dinner,the doorbell rings and his mother opens the door to introduce her son to her newly found boyfriend.
The little boy jumps from the dining room table,runs into his bedroom,jumps up on his bed,pulls down his pants & starts pleasuring himself all while screaming.."I need a bike!..I need a bike!

[John Brown]

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond
cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and
his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking
him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"

"Well it's like this Sheriff. I was in the bar down the road and this
pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her.
So I did.
We go inside and she pulls off her top and tells me to pull off my shirt.
So I did.
Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants.
So I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts.
So I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town cowboy... ".

So, here I am."

[Fast67VelleN2O]

^^^ LOL thats a good one

[70 Forest Green Zee]

A man returns home after a day on the golf course, throws open the back door, slams his clubs down in the corner and slaps his wife accross the face so hard that it left his hand print on her cheek. Then he heads towards the fridge to get a beer and his wife says " what did you do that for? I've done nothing wrong!" The man replied " I'm hitting everything fat today! "