And then the Fight Started.....

SSJunkie68-69 · #1 07-30-2008, 07:04 PM

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her
someplace expensive. . .so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started. . . .

************************************************** **********************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for
my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and
realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.'

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have g otten
disability, too'

And then the fight started. . . .

************************************************** *********************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and
I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at
a nearby table.

My wife asked 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started. . . .

************************************************** *********************

I rear-ended a car this morning.

So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got
out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things
just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started. . .

GRB · #2 07-31-2008, 04:18 PM

Now those are good clean jokes!

**Xplantdad** · #3 07-31-2008, 05:12 PM

Tom...too funny. I've seen them before...but they are always good for a laugh!

Dog427435 · #4 08-04-2008, 12:25 AM

SMILE!!!

Do you know what happened this week back in 1850, 158 years ago?

California became a state.
The State had no electricity.
The State had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically, it was just like California today; except the
women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands.

Motion Camaro · #5 08-11-2008, 03:00 AM

<font color="blue">... one more ... </font>

> *Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot,**
> Before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot.
> There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me,
>
> For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born,
> Where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn.
>
> We learned to gut a muffler, we washed our hair at dawn,
> We spread our crinolines to dry in circles on the lawn.
>
> We longed for love and romance, and waited for our Prince,
> And Eddie Fisher married Liz, and no one's seen him since.
>
> We danced to 'Little Darlin,' and sang to 'Stagger Lee'
> And cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me Me.
>
> Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many,
> And only boys wore flat-top cuts, except for Jean McKinney.
>
> And only in our wildest dreams did we expect to seeA boy named George with
> Lipstick, in the Land That Made Me Me.
>
> We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice,
> And when they made a movie, they never made it twice.
>
> We didn't have a Star Trek Five, or Psycho Two and Three,
> Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty in the Land That Made Me Me.
>
> Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp,
> And Reagan was a Democrat whose co-star was a chimp.
>
> We had a Mr. Wizard, but not a Mr. T ,
> And Oprah couldn't talk, yet, in the Land That Made Me Me.
>
> We had our share of heroes, we never thought they'd go,
> At least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe.
>
> For youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be,
> And Elvis was forever in the Land That Made Me Me.
>
> We'd never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead,
> And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson, and Zeppelins were not Led.
>
> And Beatles lived in gardens then, a nd Monkees lived in trees,
> Madonna was a virgin in the Land That Made Me Me.
>
> We'd never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars,
> And babies might be bottle-fed, but they weren't grown in jars.
>
> And pumping iron got wrinkles out, and 'gay' meant fancy-free,
> And dorms were never coed in the Land That Made Me Me.
> *
> *We hadn't seen enough of jets to talk about the lag,
> And microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag.
>
> And Hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea,
> And rocket ships were fiction in the Land That Made Me Me.
>
> Buicks came with portholes, and side shows came with freaks,
> And bathing suits came big enough to cover both your cheeks.
>
> And Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee,
> And Castro came to power near the Land That Made Me Me.
>
> We had no Crest with Fluoride, we had no Hill Street Blues,
> We had no patterned pantyhose or Lipton herbal tea
> Or prime-time ads for condoms in the Land That Made Me Me.
>
> There were no golden arches, no Perrier to chill,
> And fish were not called Wanda, and cats were not called Bill.
>
> And middle-aged was 35 and old was forty-three,
> And ancient were our parents in the Land That Made Me Me.
>
> But all things have a season, or so we've heard them say,
> And now instead of Maybelline we swear by Retin-A.
>
> They send us invitations to join AARP,
> We've come a long way, baby, from the Land That Made Me Me.
>
> So now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans,
> And wonder why they're using smaller print in magazines.
> And we tell our children's children of the way it used to be,
> Long ago and far away in the Land That Made Me Me.

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