Christmas Season Jokes~

[SSJunkie68-69]

Ok, we have about two weeks left before the big day so let's see if we can get some big laughs and put everyone in the holiday spirit~

Here's one to start with......

Tickle Me Elmo :

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.'

[Dog427435]

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

T'was the month before Christmas,
When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking a stand.

The PC Police had taken away
The reason for Christmas - no one could say.
The children were told by schools not to sing
About Shepherds and Wise Men, Angels and things.
It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say,
December 25th is just another "Holiday".

Yet, the shoppers were ready
With cash, checks and credit,
Pushing folks to the floor
To make sure they get it!
CDs from Madonna, an XBox and I-Pod,
Something was changing, something quite odd.

Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa
Hoping to sell books by Franken and Fonda.
As Targets were hanging their trees upside down,
At Lowe's, the word "Christmas" was not to be found.
At K-Mart and Staples and Penney's and Sears,
You won't hear "Christmas"; it won't touch your ears.

Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty
Are words that were used to intimidate me.
Now, Daschle! Now, Darden! Now, Sharpton! Wolf Blitzen!
On Boxer! On Rather! On Kerry! On Clinton!
At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter,
To eliminate Jesus in all public matter.

And, we spoke not a word as they took away our faith,
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace.
The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded,
Reason for the season was stopped 'fore it started.

So, as you celebrate "Winter Break" under your "Dream Tree",
Sipping your Starbucks, please listen to me.
Choose your words carefully, choose what you say,
Shout "MERRY CHRISTMAS"... not Happy Holiday.






[b] "MERRY CHRISTMAS"

[ORIGLS6]

<font color="red">MERRY CHRISTMAS </font> Mr. Richards!

[Rixls6]

This one continues to crack me up.

[Dog427435]

One more link on that Holiday!

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http://www.citizenlink.org/Stoplight/A000005834.cfm

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[b] MERRY CHRISTMAS