P.C. Christmas (Joke)

[427TJ]

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 4th November


RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas
Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at
noon in the private function room at the Grill
House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of
drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional
carols...please feel free to sing along.

And don't be surprised if the Managing Director
shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree
will be lit at 1.00 p.m.

Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at
that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to
make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's
pockets.

This gathering is only for employees! The Managing
Director will make a special announcement at the
Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

Pauline


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 5th November

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude
our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is
an important holiday, which often coincides with
Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday
Party.' The same policy applies to any other
employees who are not Christians. There will be no
Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will
have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?


Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Pauline.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 6th November

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking
table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to
accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a
table that reads, 'AA Only,' you wouldn't be
anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle
this? Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange
allowed now since the Union Officials feel that
$10.00 is too much money and Management believe
$10.00 is a little cheap.


NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 7th November

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that
December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of
Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we
can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year
does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs,
perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your
meal until the end of the party - or else package
everything up for you to take home in a little foil
doggy bag. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight
Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and
pregnant women will get the table closest to the
toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other,
Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will
have their own table.

Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay
men's table, too.

To the person asking permission to cross dress - no
cross dressing allowed. And No, no blow-up sheep.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat
food will be available for those on a diet. We
cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest
those people with high blood pressure taste the food
first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for
Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply 'No Sugar'
desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!


Pauline.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees

DATE: 8 November

RE: The ******** Holiday Party.

Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!!
We're going to keep this party at the Grill House
whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly
at the table furthest from the 'grill of death', as
you so quaintly put it. You'll get your f******
salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know
tomatoes have feeling, too. They scream when you
slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
scream right NOW!!

Hope you all have a rotten holiday * drink, drive,
and die!

The Bitch from
HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9th November

RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline
Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to
forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel
our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the
afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

[John Brown]

Party or no,

Don Imus or no,

Ho Ho Ho,

<font color="red">MERRY</font> <font color="green">CHRISTMAS</font>!

[Born30YrsLate]

[ QUOTE ]
Party or no,

Don Imus or no,

Ho Ho Ho,

<font color="red">MERRY</font> <font color="green">CHRISTMAS</font>!

[/ QUOTE ]

I've heard now that "Ho Ho Ho" is upsetting some people...they want Santa to now say "Ha Ha Ha"...what's next?...

[Kim_Howie]

It just keeps getting better

[Dog427435]

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said,"You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carols."

And So The Christmas Season Begins....