Paddy and Mick find three grenades, so they decide to take them to a police station.
Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two"
Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope: "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the bloody thing up.
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another... A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road. Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road. Cop says, "For God's sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!"
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Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, 'Not guilty.'
“That's grand,” shouted Reilly. 'Does that mean I can keep the money?'
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An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says: "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
The farmer does. Two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.
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An American tourist asks an Irishman: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the Irishman replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the bloody boat."
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Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
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