I'll be in the garage
 

Arriving home from work as usual at 5:30 p.m., I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better days. Nothing I said or did seemed to be right.

By 7 p.m. things hadn't changed, so before a fight started in earnest I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home, and start all over again. My wife agreed.

I went outside, came back in and, with a big smile, announced, "Honey, I'm home!"

"And just where have you been?" she replied sharply. "It's after seven o'clock!"

[img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/crazy.gif[/img]

Re: I'll be in the garage
 

[img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/haha.gif[/img]

Re: I'll be in the garage
 

Yep, sounds like our house! [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/haha.gif[/img]

Re: I'll be in the garage
 

<span style="font-weight: bold">The Bass Boat.....
</span>

A good old Alabama boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing.

He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says,

&quot;What you gonna do with that. There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here.&quot;

He says, &quot;I won it and I'm a-gonna keep it.&quot;

His brother came over to visit several days later.

He sees the wife and asks where his brother is.

She says, &quot;He's out there in his bass boat&quot;,
pointing to the field behind the house.

The brother heads out behind the house and sees his
brother in the middle of a big field sitting in a
bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand.

He yells out to him, &quot;What are you doin'?&quot;

His brother replies, &quot;I'm fishin'. What does it look like I'm a doin'?&quot;

His brother yells, &quot;It's people like you that give people from Alabama a bad name, makin' everybody think we're stupid......



If I could swim, I'd come out there and whip your ass!&quot;

Re: I'll be in the garage
 

[img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/haha.gif[/img] X2

Dan

Re: I'll be in the garage
 

Oldie but hilarious-

<span style="font-weight: bold">Bricklayers Accident Report:</span>

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put &quot;poor planning&quot; as the cause of my accident.
You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building.
When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope,
holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly,
I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed.
This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks,
that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries
when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there
watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.