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- - joke (https://www.yenko.net/forum/showthread.php?t=133465)

A Horse, A Chicken & A Harley

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to
play together.

One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.. Arriving at the farm, he searched
and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with
the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.

Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with
a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken
arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the
chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike,
rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the
farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best
Buddies, Best Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and
soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the
large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he
would then lift him out of the pit.

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and
out, saving his life.

The moral of the story, (yep, you betcha, there IS a moral!)?

"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't, Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks".

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING......SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.

WELL . . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.

MY NAME IS ALICE AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.

I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEAR AGO.

COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .

'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.

HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?'

YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT

UGLY,

OLD,

BALD,

WRINKLED FACED,

FAT-ASSED,

GRAY-HAIRED,

DECREPIT,

SON-OF-A-BITCH

ASKED,

'WHAT DID <span style="font-style: italic">YOU</span> TEACH?"

Kurt,

Good one [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/biggthumpup.gif[/img]

Dan

[img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/haha.gif[/img]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: earntaz</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/haha.gif[/img] </div></div>

Me too [img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/haha.gif[/img]

In the spirit of the recent Power Ball lottery frenzy:

A guy comes home and storms in through the door, yelling to his wife: "Pack your bags! Pack your bags! I won the Lottery Jackpot!"

His wife responds, excitedly: "Oh my God! Oh my God! Should I pack for the mountains or for the tropics?"

He responds: "I don't care, just get the hell out!"

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom. He found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep. Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love to her. Afterward, as he hurried downstairs for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee. "How'd you get down here so fast?" he asked. "We were just making love!" "Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there! She came over early and had complained of having a headache. I told her to lie down for a while." Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom. "Mother, I can't believe this happened. Why didn't you say something?" The mother-in-law huffed, "I haven't spoken to that jerk for fifteen years, and I wasn't about to start now!"

Old Man's Wishful Thinking

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said,
'Things are great and I've never felt better.'

I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
'So what do you think about that Doc ?'

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. 'I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.'
One day he was setting off to go hunting.

In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.'
'As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal
as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.'
'Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

Now, what do you think of that?' asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said , 'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped
a couple of rounds into that beaver.' The doctor replied , 'My point exactly.'

[img]<<GRAEMLIN_URL>>/haha.gif[/img] Both of them ...